Relationships necessitate commitment, effort, trust, and understanding. We understand that every relationship is unique, but mutual understanding and equal effort are among the basic ingredients of the secret recipe of happily-ever-after. If these key ingredients are missing from your connection, you may frequently wonder, “Why does my relationship feel off?” Don’t worry, “my relationship doesn’t feel right” doesn’t have to be a permanent sentiment you’re doomed to live with. You can reverse this worrisome trend by focusing on strengthening your relationship and intimacy with your partner.
Why Does Something Feel Off In Your Relationship?
When you first meet someone, you’re consumed by a heady rush of emotions. Every day is filled with discoveries about each other. In the process, you may overlook a few things here and there, but these things will only make their presence felt more strongly over time. All those butterflies you felt could turn into pesky bees and start to sting you. If you find yourself asking, “Why does my relationship feel off?”, one or several of the following factors may be at play:
You believe your partner is not as invested in the relationship as you Your partner is not paying enough attention to youYou have doubts about your compatibility There is a lack of communication in the relationship Effort in the relationship feels one-sided
Every relationship goes through a rough patch; noticing that your relationship is on-and-off or something is off in it is a sign that you need to work on making your equation healthier and functional. If you notice that something isn’t working, you should discuss it with your partner immediately. Bottling it up will only make things go downhill.
How Do You Fix A Relationship Feeling Off?
It is difficult to save a failing relationship, but it is even more heartbreaking to see a bond you must have worked hard to build wither away. However, every relationship requires a certain amount of patience and effort. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to your question, “Why does my relationship feel off?” The reasons can vary from a minor disagreement that escalated into a major brawl because all the bottled-up resentment just erupted to infidelity, lack of trust, or poor communication. One thing is certain, things did not get to this point overnight. While feeling that something is amiss in your connection with your SO is certainly a sign of trouble, it does not mean that your relationship cannot be salvaged. If you’re wondering, “Why does my relationship feel off?”, don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. Here are ten tips to help you rekindle your lost spark and help you save your failing relationship:
1. Set a date for your date
In the non-stop hustle and bustle of life, sometimes giving time to one another becomes a little challenging. But it is essential. There may come a time when you start feeling like something is off in a relationship or something is missing. Thoughts like “why does my relationship feel off” begin to pop in your head now and then. One of the best ways to break this pattern is to make an effort to carve out quality time for each other. Set a date or a day of a month and designate it for one another. Rather than staying inside and going with the tried-and-true ‘Netflix and Chill’ routine, get out of the house and do something more fun and livelier. Going grocery shopping and grabbing a quick meal in between, going to the arcade or booking a spa for couples, anything that can make you two relaxed and rekindle the spark in your relationship works. If you are in a long-distance relationship, make it a point to earmark one day of the week where you give a few hours to one another exclusively. You can talk about your week, share a meal, watch something together and pour your hearts out even if there is a screen between you two. No barrier can keep you apart for an extended period when you both want a relationship to succeed.
2. Communication is key to reviving the connection
It’s common to feel like something is off in a relationship if you and your partner have been in a relationship or married for a while. When you spend significant time with someone, a routine or pattern takes hold. However, when thoughts like “something feels off in my relationship” or “my relationship doesn’t feel the same” start popping into your head, it’s time to break the pattern. It’s wonderful to ask about your partner’s day and share your own. But after doing this often, it starts to seem quite robotic. Try different approaches to diversify the conversations. Instead of asking, “How was your day?”, try asking, “How are things at work?” or “How do you feel about work today?” or “Was college fun today?” or “Is there something fascinating you want to share?” These questions will help you build a stronger connection and provide you with more topics to talk about. Discussions and conversations that are fresh and enjoyable might give your relationship a little bit of a happy spark.
3. Be transparent with each other
You cannot ignore the elephant in the room for too long. If infidelity (suspected or confirmed) is the reason your relationship feels off, it will be very difficult for the cheating partner to regain trust. Broken trust is like broken glass. Even if you glue it together, it won’t ever be the same. Have you, however, heard of Kintsugi? The Japanese art of mending shattered objects with gold is a metaphor for accepting one’s imperfections and flaws. With complete honesty and openness, you can begin the process of repairing your relationship as well. Be honest and stop lying to your partner. If you dislike what they did or are doing, let them know. Make them feel at ease so they too can speak their mind if their feelings are the same. Apologize if you are aware that your actions caused them even the slightest hurt. Apologize sincerely. Gaining back the lost trust and strengthening your connection will depend on you being open and honest about your choices, your behavior, and your mistakes.
4. Take responsibility for your actions
You will benefit on many levels if you take responsibility for your words and actions. The least your partner expects from you is honesty and truth. You must take complete responsibility if there was infidelity or the trust was violated. It will not only help you win back their trust but it will also help you keep your failing relationship alive. Never blame someone else or look for excuses to justify your actions. If you sense that something in your relationship is amiss, don’t play the blame game. Blame-shifting is a big no-no in relationships. You might use it to help you escape a certain circumstance, but the guilt, my friend, will never leave you. Being defensive or self-critical will simply make the situation worse. Be truthful and take accountability without placing blame or guilting anyone. Communicating about your problems and doubts will help you and your partner. It is the best shot you can take when the relationship doesn’t feel right.
5. Seek professional help
Sometimes, even after you’ve done everything to rekindle your connection, you may not see much progress. “My relationship doesn’t feel the same.” “My relationship is going on and off.” “Why does my relationship feel off and what does it mean for our future together?” Thoughts and questions like these may continue to consume you. If things are not going well, you can seek professional help from a therapist, relationship counselor, or marriage counselor. This will undoubtedly allow you to identify what exactly is lacking in your bond as well as what you both specifically need from your relationship. “I had little to no time to spend with my partner since I was too busy working and traveling for business for more than a year, which led me to believe that our relationship is slowly crumbling. I was quite skeptical when my girlfriend, Angie, recommended that we seek professional assistance, but as time passed, I can now see how the process helped us grow and learn a lot about one another, which strengthened our relationship,” says Ronnie, a marketing professional. When a problem arises, asking for help can be challenging. Why bother when you and your partner can handle it on your own, right? Wrong. There are some instances and circumstances where getting professional assistance is preferable to trying to find a solution on your own. If you’re considering getting help, skilled and licensed mental health experts on Bonobology’s panel are here to assist.
6. Respect each other’s boundaries
Maintaining and respecting each other’s boundaries – physical, emotional, financial, or any other – can help a relationship grow. Your body is your personal space and when someone, even if it’s the one you love, invades without any consent, it can trigger a host of issues that can leave you feeling as if the relationship is on shaky ground. If a partner says no, the other must understand and accept, without trying to force or cajole their way. Setting limits on physical interaction in a relationship is completely valid. It is perfectly acceptable to say, “I don’t feel comfortable being held/touched like this” or “Leave me alone for some time and a little space would be appreciated”. If you are uncomfortable, don’t keep it to yourself; instead, communicate; it is the healthiest thing to do. Likewise, if someone you care about is sad, you may want to help them, which is admirable. But don’t forget to respect their choices. If your partner needs some emotional space, don’t try to guilt them into sharing it; instead, give them some alone time. Don’t misconstrue it as a challenge and take it upon yourself to solve their problems; doing so may make them feel dependent, which can lead to emotional instability in your relationship. You don’t want your partner to be insecure or have low self-esteem because they have to rely on you all the time, do you? Sometimes you may unintentionally hurt your partner, so it is important to know when to intervene and when to keep silent.
7. Balance out different aspects of your lives
Maintaining a work-life and love-life balance isn’t as difficult as it appears. Relationships are built not only on trust but also on understanding and the occasional compromise. The key is to keep your professional and personal lives separate. Don’t get them mixed up. When you’re with your partner, try not to complain about your job too much and instead focus on each other. If you constantly complain about how bad your work day was or how much work you have and no time on your hands, your partner may feel guilty about expecting time or attention from you. Understand one another’s schedules and plan your dates accordingly. If you know your partner will be unavailable, do not make plans on their behalf. You can’t be with each other all the time, and that’s precisely why striking a balance between work and love life will strengthen your bond and keep thoughts like “something feels off in my relationship” away from your mind.
8. Don’t let your past affect your present and future
Don’t let past relationships or experiences influence your current relationship. Rather than dwelling on, “My relationship doesn’t feel the same”, ask yourself, “Why?” And you may well find the answer to “Why does my relationship feel off?” If you find yourself dwelling on your or your partner’s past mistakes or relationships, you are blocking your future from unfolding. Stop dwelling on past issues and problems if you have already resolved them. It is difficult to let go of some things but you must try to be able to move forward. To prevent your relationship from failing, you must learn to forgive and move forward. Steer clear of bringing up old fights in new arguments. In a relationship, disagreements and fights are unavoidable. However, these don’t have to spell doom for your future together. Adopt a policy of “solve and sleep”. Don’t go to bed until you’ve resolved minor conflicts. But if you believe the problem is intense, give yourself and your partner some time to calm down.
9. Express yourself more often
Express yourself more often. Let your partner know how you feel by preparing a cute bento lunch box for them or sending them flowers when they are having a bad day to show them how much you care. Little gestures like holding them when they are down to let them know you care can make a big difference. For instance, when Angie was having a bad week, a simple “I love you” text from Ronnie made her smile. It was a simple gesture, but it gave her a boost of energy. Similarly, when Ronnie was working overtime for more than a week, Angie sent him a handmade meal box with a note that said, “You have got it. Don’t forget to rest and don’t burn yourself out” which was enough to make him smile. It is also important to say “I love you” and “I am here for you” regularly. It is necessary to communicate your discomfort, express your feelings, and be a little cliché for your relationship to sailing through turbulent waters.
10. Don’t forget to focus on yourself
As much as you must devote time and attention to your partner, you must also devote time and attention to yourself. They say that partners complete each other, but that doesn’t mean you don’t work on yourself in the areas where you fall short. It is necessary to dedicate time to your hobbies and interests to grow and learn. Your partner may be your best friend but you also have other friends. Do not feel bad about spending time with them once in a while. Go out and have some fun; sometimes enjoying yourself without your partner is necessary. Allow your partner to do the same. It will help you in gaining confidence and prevent any toxic traits from entering your relationship. When you fall in love with yourself, you gain confidence and self-esteem. When you are content with yourself and feel adequate, you become more attractive. Do not confine yourself to your relationship or your partner. While it’s great to be committed to making a relationship work, remember that you cannot row the boat by yourself. It is necessary to know when to let go of things, whether it is a bad habit or a relationship. For instance, if your relationship has turned toxic or abusive, it may be best to move on rather than staying stuck in a relationship that feels off and will continue. On the other hand, if both you and your partner are equally committed to working on a failing relationship and put in equal effort to revive it, reconciliation won’t be hard.
