Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship after marriage is usually not a cakewalk. Staying with a person once the honeymoon phase is over can get taxing as they show their bad sides and we ours. Normally, couples take each other for granted but if in that process the partners do not respect each other, then it can get very difficult to be happy in the relationship. When you begin to notice the signs your wife doesn’t respect you, every jibe, every snide remark, every pot-shot she takes at you can not only chip away at your self-esteem but also deal a blow to the strength of your marital bond. In such a situation, it is crucial to understand how to deal with a disrespectful wife and protect yourself (and possibly your marriage if the issues don’t run too deep). To be able to tackle her behavior the right way, let’s examine the meaning, the signs your wife disrespects you, and how it affects the partners.
What Does A “Disrespectful Wife” Mean?
Before we move on any further and talk about the possible signs your wife doesn’t respect you, it’s important to be on the same page about what we’re discussing today. During a marriage, each partner may say some things to the other that cause some harm, albeit inadvertently.
What we mean is, just because she made a remark about the weight you’ve gained recently or just because she told that funny anecdote about you at a party doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s an outrightly disrespectful wife. To be labeled disrespectful, there must be a pattern of damaging behavior that undoubtedly stems from a less-positive view of who you are as a person.
That is, when someone doesn’t think highly of you, or when they dislike you to the point where they cant give you the time of day, a pattern of disrespect is bound to show. They’ll be selfish partners, they won’t consider your needs or your wants and are going to disregard any opinion you have since it doesn’t amount to much in their mind.
Their selfish nature will be made apparent by how they’ll always keep their best interests ahead of yours, and pursue situations even if they negatively affect you. For example, a disrespectful wife might blatantly flirt with other people in front of their spouse, even if their partner told them how much it hurts them. Or, she may continually talk down to the spouse as though she has no empathy toward how he may be feeling.
Now that you know what warrants you saying “My wife doesn’t respect me,” let’s take a look at some signs that will be a dead giveaway of how little she admires you.
11 Signs Your Wife Disrespects You
For a fulfilling and wholesome married life, your wife and you must respect each other equally. Respect is perhaps the most important aspect of a relationship. If you are the one who is getting disrespected and thinking that your wife will change eventually, then maybe you are wrong. It’s unlikely that the situation will remedy itself without any concrete measures from your end. A wife that disrespects her husband will only get emboldened if he doesn’t stand up for himself. The situation can become messier if she’s also a manipulative wife who plays mind games to always get her way. You need to push back at the right time, set boundaries and make sure she doesn’t overstep, and call out her disrespectful behavior. However, unless you know the signs of lost respect in the relationship, you will neither be able to help your wife improve nor will be able to salvage your relationship. Let us quickly go through the 11 signs that your wife disrespects you before moving on to the ways to deal with a disrespectful wife.
1. Making fun of you is her favorite pastime
One of the most telling signs your wife doesn’t respect you is that she picks on you in front of others and has fun at your expense. Whenever your wife makes fun of you in front of her friends or family members or uses your private arguments to shame you publically, it means she is not respecting you enough. Of course, an occasional jibe or joke at your expense can be tolerated, even if you don’t appreciate it. However, if she gets into the habit of cracking jokes about how you look, how you speak, how you sleep, etc. in front of others, then it is a sign of disrespect. She has got into the habit of publicly insulting you and it should not be okay with you. Such disrespect from your wife is also emotionally draining. You could feel depressed and even isolate yourself a good deal at times.
2. Constant complaints are among the signs your wife disrespects you
No matter what you do, your wife does not seem to be satisfied or happy. It is as if nothing you do is good for her. She is always nagging you to become a better person and complaining about things that should not even matter in the first place. You are dealing with a nagging wife who keeps finding faults with anything and everything you do, right from the time you wake up till you go to work, and the cycle begins all over again the moment you return home in the evening.
She is not satisfied with your pay package or the way you look, is unhappy with the friends you have, hates your parents and complains about your beloved pet dog. These are absolute signs our wife disrespects you. It is just her way of bothering you and disrespecting you as a person.
The tone of her voice, her constant disapproval of your ways, and her condescending remarks are the tell-tale signs of a rude wife. Without a doubt, these can take a toll on your mental well-being. You may dread going back home at the end of the day. Your own home may no longer feel like a safe space or a retreat where you can unwind and shake off the stresses of life. That’s what happens when you’re living with a disrespectful wife.
3. Your wife fails to listen to you
Since she has lost respect for you, it is very much possible that she doesn’t even have the courtesy to listen to you. Your wife will give excuses to avoid talking to you. She may even stonewall you in some instances or give you the silent treatment for days, weeks or even months after a fight or argument. Even when all is seemingly well, you may notice that she is often distracted when you try to talk to her and not interested in hearing about your triumphs or struggles. What you do or say does not matter to her anymore and she fails to give you attention. This is an absolute sign she disrespects you.
4. She shuns her responsibilities
A disrespectful wife will not make any efforts to share the responsibilities of family life with you. Whenever you will try to approach her regarding her responsibilities, she will cook up some defense. She might also shamelessly shun her duties because she hardly cares about your or anyone’s opinion now. “My wife doesn’t respect me, should I divorce her?” Stuart found himself grappling with this question when after repeated requests and reminders his wife not only failed to take his ailing mother to the doctor while he was away on a trip but also created a huge drama upon being questioned about her neglectful ways. A wife that disrespects her husband cannot be a life partner in true earnest. Your life together will remain unfulfilling and fraught with discord unless you find a way to resolve this underlying issue. The question is whether it’s worth putting up with her behavior?
5. Your wife keeps secrets from you
Another one of the telling signs your wife doesn’t respect you is that she hides things, big and small, from you. In a marriage, both spouses are supposed to know about each other’s lives completely. Both of you are expected to share not only your dreams but also your failures with each other. Transparency and honesty are the bedrock of any successful relationship. However, if your wife keeps secrets from you about her personal life and you get to know about them from someone else, do not ignore this red flag. Her secretive ways are a testament to the signs of disrespect in your relationship, and you need to do some serious thinking about the future of your marriage.
6. She blatantly flirts with others in front of you
The fact that she is married to you does not stop her from flirting or being romantic with others, and that too, right in front of you. This means that your feelings no longer matter to her anymore and mind you, this is highly disrespectful in any relationship. When flirting crosses the line and your wife unabashedly expresses her interest in other men, it is bound to be extremely insulting for you. This may even leave you wondering, “My wife doesn’t respect me, should I divorce her?” Though divorce is a huge step and we’d always advise trying to work on the relationship unless it immediately harms your mental or physical health, it’s a decision only you can make. Whatever you decide, make sure you do not enable her disrespectful ways anymore. In no uncertain terms, tell her that the future of your marriage rests on her willingness to mend her ways.
7. She is no longer your support system
Your wife is expected to always stand by your side and act as your backbone in good as well as bad times. Even you are expected to do the same. However, if she does not support you or help you in times of need, then it means she is breaking the promise of being together forever. Among the most obvious signs your wife doesn’t respect you is her complete lack of empathy and support for you. You may be going through a low phase in life, dealing with stress at work, or just struggling to cope with the unpleasant signs of a rude wife, however, she is just not ready to cut you some slack. Her taunting, sarcastic, condescending attacks on you continue unabated, irrespective of what you’re going through. If you’re looking for signs your wife doesn’t respect you, ask yourself if you can be vulnerable in front of her and talk about a recent failure, hoping that she can console you through it. If instead, you’re certain that she’s just going to pick on you, you’ve got your answer.
8. Your wife becomes physically distant from you
If you try to make any physical contact with your wife, she will probably keep a distance from you and avoid you. This is because she disrespects you and does not care about your sexual desires and needs anymore. She might even turn into a rude spouse when it comes to rejecting your sexual advances. You may find yourself stuck in a sexless marriage. The moment you realize that your wife is no longer showing you the respect you deserve in the relationship, you must take appropriate action to save your marriage. At the right time, talk to your wife and try to know what the issues are between the two of you so that you can both find a solution together.
9. A wife that disrespects her husband is unwilling to compromise
Any long-term relationship requires compromises and adjustments from both partners. However, for a wife that disrespects her husband, giving up her stance or finding a middle ground to resolve differences isn’t even an option. She lives by the “my way or the highway” school of thought. No matter what the circumstances, you are the one who needs to bend over backward, often to the detriment of your own well-being, to accommodate her needs, demands, and desires. Anything short of that is unacceptable to her. Even if you continue to compromise and adjust, it’s not like she’s going to be pleased with you. As a result, relationship burnout may be around the corner. For example, one of the signs your wife doesn’t respect you is when she’s unwilling to change her habits but expects you to completely give things up in order to solve a problem. If, say, there are financial problems in your marriage, she may ask you to completely cut out any spending on yourself but won’t make any efforts to do so herself. She’ll spend on her wants like she usually does, and only expects you to do the heavy lifting.
10. You are not a priority for her anymore
Logan found himself heartbroken when his wife decided to take off on a trip with her girl gang on the very day that he returned home from a three-week-long work trip. On their anniversary, no less. When he voiced his displeasure to his wife, Ashlyn, she retorted, “Oh, I had completely forgotten about the anniversary. Plus, the trip was already paid for and I couldn’t have canceled on my girls at the last minute just because you decided to come back home.” Logan couldn’t help but think how all hell would have broken loose if the situation was reversed. He was finally beginning to see the signs of a rude wife, who did not respect or care for him. Over time, he had slipped so far below on her list of priorities that it felt as if it wouldn’t matter to her whether he lived or died. Clearly, his emotional needs in the relationship were constantly being ignored, overlooked and even purposefully left unmet. If this is a situation you can relate to, there is little room for doubt that your wife is disrespectful and uncaring of your needs.
11. Constantly undermining you is among the signs your wife doesn’t respect you
The signs your wife doesn’t respect you do not become any clearer than her willful and almost stubborn need to undermine you at every step of the way. If you suggest something, she will do the opposite. You request her not to behave a certain way, you can rest assured that’s exactly how she’s going to act. You tell the children to finish their meals or get ready for bed, she will override you and let them do as they please. Little by little, she’s eating into your authority as a parent and autonomy as an individual. Eventually, it will come to a point where you will have no voice in your own home. That’s why it’s absolutely vital to learn how to deal with a disrespectful wife before it is too late.
Why Does My Wife Not Respect Me?
Now that you’ve seen how a disrespectful wife manifests her dislike toward you, it’s time to think about what the root cause of that disrespect is since that’s going to take you one step closer toward understanding how to move toward a healthier relationship. Think about it, when you understand where all her hatred is coming from, you’ll be able to focus on removing the problem from its very root. If questions like, “Why is my wife so mean to me?” or “I don’t understand why my wife doesn’t respect me” have been weighing heavy on your mind, you may want to consider the following points:
1. Find the cause for the resentment
In most cases, disrespect stems from resentment in the relationship. To understand where the resentment comes from, you may need to ask yourself or your wife some hard-hitting questions, all with an amiable tone, of course. Richard, a 36-year-old lawyer, did just that and asked his wife why she constantly berated him in front of all his friends. “You’re never home, do you even know who I am?” His wife snapped back. Once they started talking about it, she poured her heart out. She told Richard how she began hating his job for always keeping him away from his family. Her requests for some quality time fell on deaf ears, and she exclaimed that they hadn’t taken a vacation in half a decade. She felt that they had both grown in very different directions. When you understand what the root cause of the hatred is, you won’t consider jumping to thoughts like, “My wife doesn’t respect me. Should I divorce her?” Instead, you’ll realize that moving toward a healthier relationship is entirely possible.
2. She has checked out of the marriage
Trent’s disrespectful wife, Jess, never cared much for what he had to say, and the neglect kept eating away at him. One night, when he was proudly boasting about his recent promotion at work with Jess, she replied, “You’re still not making a lot of money, so maybe boast about it with your work friends instead of with me?”
The snide remark broke Trent, who had been witnessing a disrespectful pattern for months now. He ended up pleading for her to tell him why she’s grown so distant, and Jess confessed that she doesn’t love him like she used to anymore. She felt trapped in their relationship, which only made her hate him more.
A common reason for a disrespectful wife is that she’s no longer interested in keeping the marriage together. If she doesn’t love and care for you in the manner that she once did, she’s naturally going to grow disrespectful since she’s in a marriage she doesn’t want to be in.
3. You’re disrespectful to her
Of course, a disrespectful husband begets a disrespectful wife. If you’ve been asking yourself questions like, “Why is my wife so mean to me?” perhaps you might need to introspect a little about your behavior as well. This may be a difficult question to answer, but try to think of your behavior and honestly answer the question, are you in any way rude to your partner? Or more importantly, does she think you’re rude to her when you weren’t trying to be rude? You might not even have known that you’re the problem in your relationship. However, the first step toward healing is acknowledging such difficult things.
4. She has unresolved issues
If she’s battling her own demons with her mental health or any other unresolved issues, she may take it out on you. For example, an insecure person often projects their insecurities onto their partner, making them feel suffocated. Since the person themselves thinks negatively about their appearance, they believe their partner does so as well, which is where the disrespect may stem from.
5. Find out the cause of a disrespectful wife through a conversation
At the end of the day, the only way to really know for sure why you’ve got a spouse who blatantly disrespects you is by having a constructive conversation with them. Make sure to let them know that you’re not approaching the conversation in a hostile manner. Instead, all you aim to do is get to the bottom of where the resentment comes from.
How Feeling Disrespected In Marriage Affects Men
If you fail to do anything about being disrespected in your marriage, the effects can be detrimental. No, the effects don’t just end with you storming out of the house at midnight after an ugly fight, they can be long-lasting and threaten your mental peace. For starters, when a person is constantly belittled in front of others in public, when their opinions and thoughts are disregarded, when they’re blatantly shown that their spouse doesn’t care much about them, they may develop self-image issues, insecurities in the relationship, and low self-confidence. They may also start feeling trapped in the relationship, which is only going to lead to a state of burnout. In cases where the disrespect turns toxic, that is, it harms a person’s physical or mental health, the spouse is also at risk of developing mental health issues. Clearly, the effects of having a disrespectful wife go a lot deeper than just having thoughts like, “My wife doesn’t respect me, should I divorce her?” There’s a very real threat of long-lasting insecurity and trust issues, which is why understanding how to deal with such a situation is an absolute must.
5 Ways To Deal With A Disrespectful Wife
“My wife doesn’t respect me, should I divorce her?” “Can you salvage a marriage where a wife disrespects her husband?” “How to deal with a disrespectful wife?” These questions ought to weigh on your mind once you identify the warning signs your wife doesn’t respect you. When you got married, you would have never thought that your wife would not show you respect, would be rude and impolite with you, and turn out to be a completely different person than who you thought her to be. Yet, here you are, figuring out ways to handle a disrespectful wife. It cannot be an easy situation to navigate. After all, choosing between your marriage and self-respect is not a simple decision to make. However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be an either-or situation. Perhaps you can make her see the error of her ways, and take a step toward healing as a couple. When the wife is so mean and disrespectful, the journey of healing, recovering or moving on cannot be easy. But, with these 5 ways to deal with a disrespectful wife and lost love in the relationship, you can hope to make some headway:
1. Do not get offended
“My wife treats me with no respect and it infuriates me to no end.” If that’s where you’re at, trust us, we feel you. We also know that this is not an easy tip to follow because you are bound to get upset if your wife is verbally abusive, behaves rudely with you or disrespects you. However, in this situation, it helps to remember that it’s only your emotions that you can control, not hers. So, whenever she is mean, rude or disrespectful, try your best to not get offended and reciprocate by lashing out. This might help you overcome your anger and understand the reason behind such behavior of your wife. By getting offended, you will just create more mess in your relationship. So, instead, practice restraint and keep a handle on your emotions when hers are running amok. This is the first step to deal with a disrespectful wife.
2. Confront her at the right time
How do you react to a disrespectful wife? In a cool, calm, collected manner. The only way to get to the bottom of this behavior pattern is through communication. That can happen only when you approach with the right frame of mind. At the same time, you must ensure that you select an appropriate time and place to talk to your wife about her behavior. Conflict resolution skills come into play here. Ask her what is wrong and lend a helping hand to help her improve her rude behavior toward you. When wives disrespect their husbands, particularly if this tendency has evolved over time and she wasn’t always mean and rude toward you, there is always an underlying trigger at play. Perhaps there are some unresolved relationship issues or feelings of resentment that are causing her to behave this way. Effective communication can help you get to the root cause of her behavior. Try it and you might see your disrespectful wife change completely. She is probably stressed about something and is not disrespecting you intentionally. So you have to talk to her and understand her viewpoint first. This is an effective way to deal with a disrespectful wife.
3. Give her the necessary personal space and time
Boundaries – both your own and that of your wife – can play an incredibly important role in getting the puzzle of how to handle a disrespectful wife right. Just the way you must know where to draw the line and not let her walk all over you when you sense that she is not inclined to give you attention and care, it’s best to take a step back and let her be for some time. Give her ample personal space and time, so that she can appreciate the importance that you have in her life and she will probably start respecting your opinions as well. This will also perhaps show her how much you respect her needs and wishes. Or that you can sense her mood and respond positively. Space in relationships can really help, you must know how to turn a negative into a winning situation.
4. Confide in a close friend/relative or seek counseling
You can reach a point in your relationship when the disrespect from your wife can begin to take a toll on your mental health as well as the health of your marriage. You may reach a deadlock where you’re unable to find a solution to this whole scenario. “My wife treats me with no respect and I don’t know how to save my marriage.” This distressing thought can become a recurrent theme when you’re warding off constant jibes from her end.
What can you do in such a situation? How do you react to a disrespectful wife without making a bad situation worse? It may be time to seek external help. Confide in a close friend/relative whom you trust to give you safe and sound advice. Maybe talking to this friend/relative will give you a whole new perspective regarding how to deal with your disrespectful wife.
Couples counseling is another way to save your marriage and sort out the differences. An experienced counselor can help you and your wife work through the troublesome emotions arising out of this situation and find the best possible way out. If you’re looking for help, Bonobology’s panel of experts is only a click away.
5. Be ready to move on
What to do if your wife disrespects you? No doubt you will give all the chances you can to your wife to improve her behavior toward you. But you have to know if she can actually come back to respecting you or if the relationship is worth saving. But just in case nothing works out, you have to be ready to let go of your wife. Remember, a disrespectful spouse is never going to make you happy and satisfied with your relationship. So always be ready to move on. Respect and love are like two sides of the same coin. If these two are not forming the foundation of your relationship, then it cannot survive the test of time. So think about this carefully and make a decision wisely. There is no single solution to the question of how to deal with your wife when she disrespects you? We provided a few answers, it’s up to you to make a choice. All the best!
