You just want to enjoy long walks on the beach, be in each other’s presence, and have a good time. What makes this situation more difficult is the long-term uncertainty that makes you feel stuck. You’re stuck in that enjoyment but don’t know whether you’re progressing as a couple or not. At times, this situation can be pretty frustrating and complex. To make it easier, this article will help you know the signs and make a distinction between
A guy who doesn’t know what he wants, andA guy who doesn’t know where he stands in the relationship;
Actually, what makes him undecided?
It’s his personality combined with his feelings for you that make him indecisive. If he isn’t into you or if he’s confused about his feelings, then he’s stuck in between making a decision and moving forward. These are the main reasons, yet the list goes on: ~ He might be fresh out of another relationship. He’s skeptical about including feelings in a new relationship. Also, he may be involved with you since he wants to erase the breakup pain. ~ He is insecure. In this case, if a man has low self-esteem then he might be afraid to be in a relationship with you. He’s afraid of making the first move to enhance the relationship. ~ He isn’t in the right place when he can start a new relationship. He might have different troubles in his life that prevent him from having something serious. ~ He is emotionally unavailable. He feels the same pain when he’s out or in a relationship. He has trouble connecting emotionally. Thus, he is unable to connect with you on a deeper level. ~ He finds it hard to commit. A player can’t be fully committed to a relationship. He uses his uncertainty as a tool to manipulate you. It’s his way to pull your strings. ~ He’s trying to figure out if your relationship is going to work according to your lifestyle. Mostly, different life ideas and goals create this type of complexity. He wants to check if you would put effort into balancing your lives. ~ He just isn’t into you. If he isn’t into you then he keeps you around just to fulfill his needs. He might be thirsty just for a quick intimate moment. He might want someone around just not to be alone. 12 signs a guy doesn’t know what he wants:
1. He transmits unclear signals
Mixed signals are terrifying. One day you feel like your relationship might progress. The next day you’re waiting for a simple text from him. The ambiguity that’s created instills a lot of doubt in you. After you meet with him, ask yourself how you feel? If you’re always left with a bittersweet taste and still doubting yourself, then this guy doesn’t know what he wants. He might send mixed signals because he’s unsure how he feels about you. He might be scared that he’s going to be hurt. Also, for him, it might look like the relationship is progressing too fast. In this case, reading signs is a great decision, but we advise having a talk with him. Don’t stay in the haze. Search for answers directly.
2. He’s still unsure how to label you
This one is the most fundamental sign. It’s pretty obvious that he doesn’t know what he wants when he doesn’t know how to introduce you yet. His friends and family aren’t sure either if you’re his best friend or girlfriend. He might be caught up in confusion, fear, and anxiety. Hence, if he’s into you but has trouble fixing his emotional connection, he’ll find a way to talk to you.
3. He cancels plans quite often
You’ve left me in doubt and confusion. Again. He bails you, most of the time. At this point, he might be canceling plans at the last minute and giving nonsense excuses. In other words, he isn’t interested in spending more time with you. He might have a busy schedule and his life might be hectic. Hence, a guy who has feelings for you would spare his time for you. If this is his constant behavior then he’s interested in creating a relationship. He’s not afraid if he’s going to make you mad or hurt you with his actions.
4. He keeps the future undefined
One who wants to date you exclusively would like to talk about the future with you. When a guy doesn’t know what he wants, he just wants to live in the moment and not think about what’s next. We might call him: The Nomad in your relationship. If he gets mad when this topic comes up or tries to avoid it, he might see your relationship as a momentary fling. The fear of being hurt or rejected pulls him away and prevents him from seeking the future with you.
It’s important to try and understand him and his needs.Live in the moment. Don’t put pressure on him.On the other hand, draw your boundaries and bring up this topic, from time to time.Let him know about your perspective on life and on your relationship.
5. He keeps his dating options open & still part of dating sites
A guy doesn’t know what he wants if he continues to flirt/date other women. He might do it by still being a part of dating apps or mingling in person with other women. Your relationship isn’t official yet and for him, it isn’t a problem to keep his options open. He might feel something for you but still isn’t sure if you’re the one. Be careful to not commit to this relationship without defining it. Listen to his needs but also tell him how you feel. This will save you a lot of time and heartbreak.
6. He gives up easily when things don’t go his way
This is a typical indecisive act of a guy. Since he’s not committed to you, with the slightest inconvenience he’ll create his distance. Even if he likes to flirt with you or spend time with you, when you have your own disagreements, he leaves. It’s easy for him to leave whenever he wants since he isn’t committed. In this case, you can’t ask for an explanation as you would ask him if he was your boyfriend. Indeed, you need to have a talk and choose your next decision.
7. He has continual mood swings
It’s quite understandable to have mood swings whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship. If he’s constantly going on a roller coaster of emotions then you’re having a good time then he’s not sure about you. There are different reasons that hold him back. He might find it hard to commit and that makes him mad or angry. He might go back and forth all the time and this will make you confused too.
8. He is slightly affectionate
Showing affection is the number one sign of liking or loving someone. If he doesn’t show affection to you in public then he doesn’t know what he wants. You’re dealing with a player if his affection changes in private and when you’re in public. Hence, if he has had trouble showing affection even in private, then he might be dealing with uncertain feelings. Also, he might be containing himself because he’s afraid that would be dealing with unrequited love.
9. He’s in and out of your life
This is a bit harsh but is true. A guy doesn’t know what he wants if he comes and goes out of your life. He can’t balance his decision. Whether he wants to be part of your life and commit or be gone forever. He might change his mind a lot. One day you’re his ideal woman, the other day you’re his enemy. This might happen for different reasons. If this continues like this will lead you to a toxic relationship.
10. You didn’t meet his friends yet
It’s been months that you’ve been dating, but his entourage is a mystery for you. A guy who’s into you, he’ll try to make you part of his life. If he wants to introduce you to his friends then he’ll want to take a step forward. If he’s not willing to introduce you to them then he just wants to keep you around. He isn’t sure about his feelings, yet he might hang out with you just to fulfill his needs.
11. He’s not very touchy-touchy with you
The detachment happens when he is having a good time with you but then the feelings of doubt hit him. If he doesn’t know what he actually wants then he is going to keep his distance. Setting some slight boundaries to physical touch, he doesn’t know if he likes you more than just a friend. It’s like he holds the remote control. As you think you’re doing great and having a good time, your idea and trust collapse.
12. He doesn’t want anything serious
He’s not the type of guy who likes to commit. Well, maybe he’s afraid of commitment or he is putting his defense mode on. Either way, he wants to continue dating without having a serious commitment. If you tried to have the ”‘What are we” talk and he chose to laugh it off or change the topic, he isn’t sure of his feelings. In fact, he might not be looking to settle down.
What to do when a man doesn’t know what he wants?
The first thing you can do is to be patient and stay calm. When he isn’t ready to commit or be in a relationship with you then it’s better to not push him towards this decision. Restraining or forcing him will give him even more power and attention. It will create a huge confusion for you and him too.
- Be distant and give him some time alone to reflect. Before being distant you need to discuss this topic with him. Even if he doesn’t tell you to be distant, you should be so you can think clearly. This way you’ll give him time to reflect on his feelings and miss your presence too.
- Draw your boundaries. Try to know more about your needs and what you seek in a specific relationship. You should try and focus more on yourself. Improve yourself as you are distant from him.
- Don’t be needy. Neediness and overpursuing a guy can look very unattractive to him.
- Don’t just sit around and wait for him to make a decision. He won’t decide in a blink of an eye. Waiting for a long time won’t help in solving the matter. Try to live your life. Go out more and meet new people. This way you’ll gain a new perspective on life and what other relationships are like.
- Stand up for yourself. The most important thing to do if you are sure about your feelings is to give him an ultimatum. This way you won’t continue hanging out with someone who doesn’t share the same feelings, interests, or opinions for the future.
When can I tell him I want a serious relationship?
When the connection between you and him is building up, that’s when we recommend talking about it. ~ Telling him that you want a serious relationship on the first date can be scary for him. It’s too much to handle, for you and for him too. You are just trying to get to know one another. Don’t rush. ~ If you’ve been friends but never shared your feelings: let him know how you feel. After you see his reaction then what we recommend is to try and have fun with him. If everything goes well then you can decide whether this type of relationship is worth it. Find the moment when the two of you are having a deep conversation. You should try and make the conversation casual and not feel like it’s forced. Be open to listening to his opinion too.
Additional articles to cease your confusion:
These chosen articles are a thread to help you distinguish your and his, feelings, needs, and intentions!
- Learn to read his body language first: 21 Body Language Signs he’s attracted to you;
- Make sure if he truly likes you: 20+ undeniable signs he likes you;
- Distinguish how strong are his feelings for you: 11 signs he caught strong feelings;
- Define if he’s pursuing you: 18 legit signs that a man is pursuing you;
- Finally, get to know if he loves you: 6 clear signs he does love you; After reading them in this order, you’ll know how to react when a guy doesn’t know what he wants!
We’ve reached the end: How do you know if a guy doesn’t know what he wants?
You can feel it in your gut when a guy doesn’t know what he wants. You enjoy the moment when you’re with him but in the end, he gives you that bittersweet taste. The confusion that he has is directly reflected in you. It’s crucial to not put pressure on him, but also try to set your boundaries. Don’t get stuck in this situation. You can always do better! Best, Callisto
