While it is normal to go through the stages of break up like grief and denial, it is not too wise to let the pain linger too long. Breakups can be brutal if you fail to move on and keep lingering in the past. This will be unhealthy for you in the long run because you will be unable to accept true love as and when it comes your way. Of course, everyone takes their own time moving on but if after months (or even years) you are dodging dates and potential romantic interests, saying “I’m still not over my ex”, it is unhealthy and you need to get out of PJs and fill your life with romance again. Through our wisdom and experience, we have compiled a list of 15 signs you are not over your ex.
15 Signs You Are Not Over Your Ex
Wounds of the heart take time to heal. Sometimes the negative feelings and pain linger on for years. These feelings can mess with our lives, causing us to be less productive in all areas. Signs you’re not over your ex reflect in your attitude and make you unable to focus on better things that life has to offer. The stress and the tension damage the person you are, and being hung up on your ex prevents you from finding love and happiness again. In case you find yourself brooding over the past, then it is high time you get hold of yourself and figure a way out of it. Here is a quick checklist of 15 signs you’re not over your ex which will enlighten you that either you need more time to get over the breakup or that it is high time you picked yourself up and jumped into the pool of dating:
1. You keep stalking your ex’s social media profiles
Whether it is Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, or Snapchat, if you find yourself visiting his/her profile (you know we actually mean stalking) on a regular basis without fail, then it is a sign you’re not over your ex. You keep going back to their social media because it is the last thread linking you to their life. You can’t live in denial and after a point, you have to admit to yourself, “Yes, I’m still not over my ex”. Instead of spending your day searching for whom they’re hanging out with or how happy they are, you need to practice ways to stop stalking your ex’s profiles. Remember that this habit is not good for you because it can turn into an obsession. So stop doing it and control your emotions.
2. You keep mentioning your ex during conversations
This is one of the easiest signs you’re not over your ex. It is only when you have not forgotten someone completely that you keep talking about him/her. We are not saying erase them from your memory completely. In fact, it is healthy to let out the frustration after a breakup. But if all your conversations revolve around your ex, or if somehow you find a way to bring their name up in a totally irrelevant conversation, then get up, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I’m not over my ex but I have to try to get over them”. In order to be sure of this, you can ask your close friends and relatives about their opinion regarding this sign. Do not be surprised if they tell you that they too noticed this and do not find it quite healthy for you.
3. You try to meet your ex accidentally
Getting over someone you see every day is not a cakewalk, especially if he/she works in the same office or has the same group of friends. So after the breakup, it is important that you keep your distance from your ex. However, if you find yourself making excuses to meet your ex, like visiting his/her favorite café or attending some event he/she will be a part of, then it is a warning sign you’re not over your ex. If you can’t help but wonder, “Why am I still not over my ex?”, it is because you are still surrounded by that person. You have to use the out of sight, out of mind approach and maintain your distance. There was a reason you broke up with someone. Being around them will not only confuse them but also confuse your fragile heart.
4. You avoid getting into another relationship
Another sign you’re not over your ex is that you keep ditching the dates your friends find for you with all your efforts because your ex still occupies your heart and mind. Every time someone comes up to you and says, “I have found a perfect date for you,” you have a standard answer: “I’m not over my ex yet”. While some people play the “I’m still not over my ex” card just to avoid dating in general, others are genuinely stuck on one person and find it difficult to see a future with someone else. You are probably missing out on your dream boy/girl by dodging these dates and all for a person you are no longer with. So shake it off and give love another chance and you never know, this time around you might meet ‘the one’.
5. You despise your ex’s new love interest
If you are unable to move on, it does not mean that your ex will also hold on to you. Your ex might have found their new love interest and you will find yourself despising that person. You will not think twice before talking bad about your ex’s current love interest when you might not even know that person personally. It is one of the signs you’re not over your ex. This is just because you are jealous and have failed to move on. It is also important to remember that it is easier for a few people to stop loving someone faster than others. One of my friends once said, “After breaking up with my then-boyfriend, I never realized that I’m not over my ex until I got to know he had started dating someone. I still don’t know what came over me but I made it a point to badmouth her to everyone. Later, I realized that I was just feeling like she had stolen what was mine and did not deserve my treatment toward her. People often don’t realize that they are still stuck in the past while their ex has moved on. ”
6. You feel tempted to call or text your ex
Did you drunk dial them again? Is theirs the first name that comes to your mind every time something good or bad happens in your life? Don’t worry, it is normal. But it is one of the signs you’re not over your ex. When you feel like you have to contact your ex via a call or text without any solid reason, then it is a cause of concern. It is a sign that you still want to reach out to your ex because you feel empty and incomplete without him/her. The relationship stops existing but the memories, the sense of familiarity only fade away with time. You have to learn to deal with the loneliness after a breakup and not contact them every time you miss them. So in case you are wondering how to get over my ex, then deleting their contact will be the most crucial step. Not contacting him/her, for the time being, would be a smart move on your part and help you move on
7. You keep revisiting memory lane
No doubt the times you have spent with your ex will be embossed in your memory and it will be really hard to get over those memories. If you keep on looking at old pictures and gifts and brooding over them, then it clearly indicates that it is time you get over your ex. However, continuously revisiting the memories and daydreaming about them can keep you bound in that relationship and you will not get an opportunity to find true love.
8. You compare your potential date with your ex
Comparison has “I’m still not over my ex” written all over it. After a lot of convincing even if you agree to go on a date, then you will notice that you will go on comparing that guy/girl with your ex. Maybe you do this unconsciously, but then you want your new date to live up to the standard set by your ex. Remember, this is totally unfair, and you must not do this. Get over your ex already to judge your new date in an unbiased way. Make sure you are ready and willing to go on a date to have a good experience. And if they were so perfect, you wouldn’t have broken up with them, right? So let go of these comparisons and have fun as you get to know a new person.
9. You fail to throw away your ex’s belongings
The moment you break up, it is best that you either give back your ex’s belongings or throw them away. However, even months after the breakup if you are still holding on to your ex’s gifts and pictures, then it is one of the biggest signs you’re not over your ex. Make a box of their things and either return it to them ( through the mail, there is no need to see this as an excuse to meet them) or donate the items. That way, you will be able to move on faster and not be stuck asking yourself why am I still not over my ex.
10. You try to convince people that you are okay
Remember when Ross said, “I’m FIINNNEE,” and then went on to burn his hands while being drunk out of his senses? We all know he wasn’t fine because he was trying too hard to convince his friends that he was, in fact, fine. Well, a person who is confident and strong enough to move on after separation will obviously not go about trying to convince the people around that he/she is okay. Learning from the example of Ross, in case you are trying to persuade your friends that you are okay and have moved on, then there is a high chance that you are giving yourself a message that things are not really okay and that it is time you admitted to everyone, “Hey, I’m still not over my ex.” At least that way, your friends and family can help you through the process.
11. You bring new changes in yourself
One of the signs you’re not over your ex is that you will try to transform your appearance or try to pursue a new hobby because these are certain changes that your ex might have wanted while he/she was with you. Yes, change is good. It signals growth, but only when change is not seen as a means to woo your ex back after a breakup. Such thinking will only harm you. You need to tell yourself that you deserve to be with someone who will accept you for who you are rather than changing yourself completely for someone else.
12. You constantly keep in touch with your ex’s friends and family
It might be possible that while you were in a relationship with your ex, you became very close to your ex’s friends or family members. Cutting off ties with them would be the best option after the breakup. However, if you still find yourself contacting them and meeting them just in the hope of getting through your ex, then it is a sign of obsessive thoughts. Maybe you want to feel the sense of familiarity again. Maybe you just miss that life and proximity. Whatever it is, contacting their parents very frequently is one of the signs you’re not over your ex.
13. You utilize social media to express your frustration or desperation
We have all posted something on social media that was meant for a particular set of eyes. But, if your entire agenda of social media posting revolves around grasping for the attention of your ex or letting people know how upset you are about the breakup, then you are far from being over your ex. Posting beautiful pictures of yourself on social media websites, flirting with others on social media, posting relationship memes or subtle quotes on your social media profiles – these will represent your frustration and desperation to get him/her back. So avoid it at all costs.
14. You act awkward around your ex
Did you or your ex end the relationship on the note that both of you will be friends and cordial to each other? If yes and you still find yourself being awkward, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, etc. when you bump into him/her, then it means that you are not truly over your ex. It is not easy (or healthy) to stay friends with an ex especially if you are not over them. In such scenarios, it is better to maintain your distance. Even though you both agreed to remain friends, if your heart still longs for them, it is better to avoid going through that pain.
15. You still feel there is a future with your ex
In case you still have this lingering feeling that there is a future with your ex, then it evidently means that you still love him/her. You need to wake up to the fact that if there was a future, the relationship would have worked. Focus on the reasons why you had to break up and get rid of false hopes. It is indeed very scary and overwhelming to get over a breakup. However, give yourself time to heal and a chance to embrace new love openly and wholeheartedly. Recognize the signs that you’re not over your ex and try to take steps that enable you to snap out of their charm. There is so much more for life to offer and you need to get over the past and look forward to the future.
