As expected, when women look back at these relationships that did not end well for them, they often find the huge gaping holes that they chose to ignore, leading to so much pain and heartburn. Here are a few common red flags that five women overlooked in their respective failed romantic relationships. Related reading: 5 red flags that men overlooked in a failed romantic relationship
“Talking to him induced fear in me”
Shehla met Junaid at a family function and soon they were dating. Their engagement happened in a jiffy, as both families were friends. Junaid definitely felt like her dream man, but just after the first couple of weeks, Shehla felt that talking about her school friends or how she bunked her college classes that day to see a film with her best friend would annoy him. Shehla says, “It was like my instinct or sixth sense knew. I was nervous and scared to talk in his presence, because he would often get furious or extremely angry, or begin an endless argument just because I had spent some “me” time or I wanted to talk about my family with him.” Psychologists call this kind of occurrence in a relationship a walk on eggshells and a definite sign that there is some kind of personality disorder lurking in the shadows.
“He was always making mountains out of mole hills”
Aditi and Vikram had an arranged marriage. During their honeymoon phase itself she noticed that he would go on and on about public littering or the traffic or just a cloudy day. Aditi says, “I did not pay much heed to how he was handling routine work stress or slight daily inconveniences. I was okay with him ranting to me just about anything and everything, but sometimes the rants would get loud and aggressive, he would raise his voice and throw things.” Carefully notice how he handles subordinate staff or strangers causing inconvenience. A limit must be put to how much of an adult anger tantrum is permissible, that too only once in a while, because such anger issues often lead to intimate partner violence.
“It seemed I was his dirty secret”
Ishmeet and Jagjit had been seeing each other for almost three months then; she had not met any of his friends or colleagues, he never allowed her to post any pictures or check in with him on any social media. Ishmeet says, “Jagjit, my boyfriend, was himself super-active across social media. He was quite popular in the university, I would say overactive on all SM and constantly interacting with someone or the other there, but I was never a part of his life online. He even didn’t invite me to his sister’s wedding.” If your man keeps his social life with his friends and family and his time with you in watertight compartments, think twice. Though sometimes staying under cover is a privacy choice, but why should a partner be hiding you?
“I was the butt of his jokes mostly”
Rochele and Neil were colleagues when they began dating and later lived in together too. It is certainly not a nice feeling to have a new partner who makes fun of your aspirations or opinions or worse, laughs at you. Rochele says, “He was my senior at work but just like work meetings he would shoot down everything I suggested. He would laugh at my life choices and on some days my dress sense, or my family.” Belittling by your man is just plain mean and rude. Playful teasing and occasional banter is welcome in a relationship, but more than that is a certain red flag. Related reading: 10 red flags about the person you are dating – based on how they treat other people
“He was an alcoholic”
Neena had found Keshav through Tinder and they were dating. But his substance abuse, which is one of the few major red flags ever in any relationship, was something she overlooked. Often women are inclined to discard all evidence that does not align with their romantic views of their ideal partner. Neena says, “He would often go overboard, create scenes, then be all guilty and seek forgiveness when sober, promising not to repeat it, but it was a cycle. I realised this much later.” Substance abuse gets better only with professional help and those partners in denial can make life hell for them and you. So while it’s okay to ignore little things that irk you about your man, don’t overlook the bigger signs of an unhealthy relationship.
