Until we get to know what real love is, we tend to mistake it with other types of relationships: abusive, toxic, fake, and so on. My girlfriend has shown me multiple times what real, healthy love is supposed to look like. It’s just like writing this article: it looks effortless on the outside, but it takes work. Both partners have to be willing to overcome fears, step out of their comfort zones, and learn about the best way to treat one another. However, if she really loves you, then she’ll want this. The good, the bad, and everything that lies in between. And don’t worry, it’s not all work. It’s also effortless. It’s light and fun and joyous. It might be easy to confuse real and fake love. So here are five signs she genuinely loves you.
1. She Won’t Judge You And Make You Feel Like You’re “Too Much”
“You can cry as long as you need to, I’m here. I got you, babe,” my girlfriend said while I was having a breakdown. For the first time in my life, I didn’t step back when I realized someone was looking into my soul. I stopped, trusted, and took a leap of faith. There wasn’t any judgment, fear, or hesitance in her eyes. It was pure love––the type I thought only existed in romance novels. After years of hiding myself, it was the type of love that healed me. Whether friends or romantic partners, people usually loved sharing their laughter with me. They’d always say my laughter was contagious. As contagious and joyful as my laughter was, I realized later my tears were equally epidemic. In any relationship I had, I was always too much. Too sensitive. Too emotional. Too radical. Too angry. On that night, after my girlfriend assured me she had my back, she continued: “You’re more than your sadness. You’re joy and the sun. You’re laughter, you’re love. You’re more than how you’re feeling right now. And I love you for everything you are.” I knew then that the problem was never that I felt things more deeply than other people. The issue was that people couldn’t give me the love I needed. If you want to know that she genuinely loves you, then she’ll never judge how you feel. She’ll never think you’re too much of anything. In fact, it might even be the very thing she loves most about you. It’ll feel as if their love was carved to fit yours.
2. She Not Only Listens But Also Hears You
My girlfriend doesn’t look away when I feel sad about a problem I’m having and open up. She fixates her beautiful eyes on my face and hears my rants, my struggles, my insecure thoughts. When someone doesn’t love you the way they say they do, they’re like actors in a movie. They pretend to be someone else. You might think they’re listening to you, but they’re actually looking at you while their minds are somewhere else. When someone truly loves you, she won’t be superficial. She’ll always ask why you acted in a certain way and what was going on in your mind at that moment. She won’t get scared when she knows you’re messed up. She’s genuinely understanding and empathetic. The more mess she discovers in you, the more love she’ll bestow on you. She’ll see through your soul and heart. She’ll not only listen to your memories but also hear how they’ve shaped you into the person you are now. She’ll look at you with exciting eyes every time you start telling a story, albeit a stupid one. And that, is true love. Recommended read: 8 Signs a Shy Girl Actually Likes You a Lot
3. She Doesn’t Take You For Granted
One of the main signs she loves you is you never feel taken for granted. Despite the difficulties that the distance and time difference bring my girlfriend and me, they also teach us many important lessons. Since we don’t have the luxury to be in each other’s presence, every day we look forward to the few hours we can talk. Hence every time we talk, it feels special and gracious. We’ve learned to appreciate each other’s presence and not take it for granted. Especially when we meet in person and only have 14 or 21 days to be with one another. When someone spends a lot of time with their partner, it’s easy to start taking that person for granted. You get used to their company and start assuming they’ll always be there. But, love isn’t something we can take for granted. Love would stop growing if we didn’t take care of it. As Leon Seltzer says, when you don’t take your partner for granted, “you’ll emotionally, mentally, and materially… invest in the relationship, which in turn will enhance and further strengthen the intimate, secure bond between you.” If you’re in a loving relationship, you’ll see that the way she treats you doesn’t change regardless of the months you spend together. She doesn’t think you’ll be there forever, so she makes sure you know you’re loved. When you talk, she listens to you as if it was your first date. When you have dinner together, she stays away from her phone. She looks at you with loving eyes every morning despite your messy hair. She appreciates every minute you burst into laughter. She tells you that you’re cute and reminds you that you’re hot as if you just started dating.
4. She Makes You Feel Emotionally Safe
After I came out, my parents tried to manipulate me into thinking that my relationship isn’t real. When they couldn’t convince me, they stopped talking to me. I was suddenly left alone, but I never felt lonely. My girlfriend was the shelter to which I escaped from the hatred of my parents. Feeling safe is essential for every healthy relationship. You can love someone but not feel safe around them. Not feeling safe doesn’t only stem from physical or verbal abuse. Your partner can make fun of your dreams, desires, and needs, or she can gaslight you to an extent that it leaves you traumatized. It’s important to feel safe in every aspect of your relationship. Whether you go through a traumatic experience or you just want to share your dreams, you should know the person will make you feel safe. She’ll take you in her arms, and you’ll know nothing can ever hurt you. Recommended read: How to Tell if a Girl Truly Likes You: 10 Undeniable Signs
5. She’s Brave Enough to Become Vulnerable
When we first started dating, my girlfriend tended to avoid conflict. When she felt hurt, she chose not to say it. When she was mad, she pushed it down and pretended she wasn’t. But soon after, we both realized the more we open up about our feelings, the closer we become. Although listening to your partner in a relationship is essential to having a healthy relationship, talking honestly “paves the way for deeper understanding and evokes the empathy necessary for healthy long-term relationships.” If your partner trusts that you know how to treat her feelings, she’ll reveal her emotions and weaknesses without feeling scared of the openness. She’ll know that vulnerability and open communication are the keys to maintaining your relationship. The more you delve into each other’s feelings, the deeper your connection becomes. Someone who loves you will look forward to your midnight therapy sessions. When she doesn’t communicate her feelings, you can’t know how she feels and what she needs. When vulnerability lacks in a relationship, resentments appears, and you end up growing apart. Recommended read: Healthy Relationships: 5 Powerful Habits of Truly Happy Couples
Bonus: She Draws Her Future Around You
“Isn’t it too early?” my best friend asked when I told her about my plans to move in with my girlfriend after three months of dating. It was the same for my girlfriend. She told her parents that her plan was to someday move to Italy from the States. Her parents rightfully thought we were acting like stupid teenagers who thought they were in love. But in reality, her parents and my friend have experienced the type of love we feel to this day––eight months into our relationship: when you know, you know. There isn’t a rule or timespan for relationships. Every relationship is unique and each couple experiences love differently, even the individuals within a relationship. But when someone is in love with you, she’ll start planning a future with you even when you’re a few months in the relationship. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about serious stuff like moving in together, getting married, or having a kid (but those can definitely be positive if it’s what you want). The future can be even just three months from now. She might talk about going on a trip to a close town in a few months or buy concert tickets to see your favorite band in three months. It doesn’t have to be about marriage five years from now, but if she’s at least talking about the next six months with you, you know she really loves you. If she loves you, she wants you around.
Signs She Loves You Deeply: Final Thoughts
Every relationship is unique, every narrative is different. But nobody should make you feel like you’re too difficult to be loved. You are never too much. You are never not enough. If you want a partner who loves you unconditionally, supports your dreams wholeheartedly, and cares for you, here are the signs you should look for: If you don’t see these signs, remember what you deserve and don’t settle for anything less. Featured image for the article “5 Signs She Loves You Deeply” from Adobe Stock Get access to exclusive self-improvement and relationships content, subscribe to our free newsletter here.
