Being in a relationship is hard work. It involves both partners making an equal effort to be there for each other. Promises and compromises are crucial in a relationship and someone that is not willing to live up to their promises or refuses to compromise even a little bit, will not keep you happy in the long run. When you are selecting a life partner you must ensure that they will stand by you through thick or thin and be willing to protect you and stand up for you. You need someone who will take time out of their own personal life for you and be willing to meet you halfway when disagreements occur or interests clash.
What Makes Boyfriends So Selfish?
Selfishness arises when a person does not feel responsible for anyone else’s happiness or does not feel concerned for those around them. Selfishness is also common amongst those who are not held accountable by the people in their lives. For example, if relatives and friends put up with insensitive and selfish behavior and do not speak up, chances are it will continue. A very common trait amongst selfish people is that they put themselves above others. Your boyfriend was probably showing signs of being an extremely selfish person all along, but you probably did not realize it until you got to know him much better. So what are some of the reasons that could have led to your boyfriend becoming selfish? Here are some characteristics of a selfish boyfriend: The biggest problem amongst men is their huge egos. Often, but not always, selfishness may be a product of their ego. Sometimes, men are just lazy and prefer to let others handle tasks. This does not always indicate that he has traits of a selfish man, but simply that he needs to be motivated and encouraged to help out around the house or with family. Dealing with a lazy partner? We know how annoying that can be. So if after reading the above characteristics you did think to yourself, “That’s so true. I think my boyfriend is selfish too”, then let’s dive a little deeper. Before you jump to any massive conclusions, let us see the top 15 signs of a selfish boyfriend that could be making your relationship toxic.
15 Signs Of A Selfish Boyfriend
Being with a selfish boyfriend is extremely frustrating and makes you question whether you should be in this relationship at all. Your boyfriend couldn’t care less about you while you can’t stop caring about him. Not only do selfish boyfriends not want to contribute anything in a relationship, but they are also inconsiderate of the efforts you put in every day to make it work. Being perpetually ungrateful is one of the traits of a selfish man. A selfish boyfriend is unappreciative, mean and can be stingy too. Look out for these selfish boyfriend signs to understand whether you still want to be in a relationship where you are the only one trying to make it work.
1. He will always talk about himself
People that are selfish are obsessed with themselves. You will notice that no matter what the situation is, your conversations will always be about him. All he cares about is his feelings and his image even when you are going through tough times. He might make it seem like he is interested in your life, but it will be easy for you to see through his fake concern. He won’t be attentive when you are talking and will not offer you any solutions or try to help you unless it benefits him. In reality, he is just warming you up so that you sit and listen to his on-going stories without complaint. Remember when he started by saying, “Honey, how was your day?” and interrupted you after a few minutes and didn’t stop talking about his office colleagues or his incredible presentation? He wanted to hear you (halfheartedly) only so that he could be heard. This is a classic sign of a selfish boyfriend. He will tell you every tiny detail about his life. From the exotic cheesecake he had at a bakery that day to the trip he is planning to Peru. From the Merc that he is planning to buy to his expensive sunglasses he can’t do without. You have to listen to every tiny detail. Have you noticed his eyes that indicate he is getting bored when you do the talking? This is one of the major signs of being selfish.
2. He controls everything you do
Whenever you guys make a collective decision, you will notice that he has the last say and his opinions will always be right. You are the other half of the relationship and should have an equal say in whatever decision is made. Your opinion should matter to him. This can be reflected in small matters as well. Let’s say you want to eat Italian and he wants to eat Chinese, if you are dating a selfish boyfriend then you will end up going to a Chinese restaurant. This will happen repeatedly and your preference will never be considered. Emily Krysinski had been dating Brian Hendricks for a year or so. She started noticing how he had grown distant from her and barely took her opinion in any of their decision making anymore. She said, “Why are men so selfish? I’m tired of it. My last boyfriend was the same way too. From which side of the bed we sleep on to which gatorade we bring into our house to whether we need a new TV or not — Brian always has the final say.” Think about this. When was the last time you went to a restaurant of your choice or did something you like? Does he even know what cuisines you like? I guess not, because he tells you what to do and you give in because you do not feel like these trivial things are worth fighting over. Your life cannot revolve around your boyfriend’s choices. He is insensitive to your needs. He controls your life and has made you his puppet. He is inconsiderate towards you. He is a mean boyfriend. If you liked that red dress in a shop window he would instantly say how awful it would look on you. You will soon forget your real identity if you haven’t already.
3. He is incredibly defensive
Whenever you question him or confront him, he will always get defensive and will somehow make it your fault. He will do anything to protect his flaws, even if it means highlighting yours. He will never accept his fault and will find ways to make you feel guilty. He thinks he is perfect and will not take criticism well. He is mean and inconsiderate and thinks that it’s perfectly okay to be that way. We know of a woman who confronted her boyfriend after he cancelled on her last minute, because he made plans with his friends. She told him that he did this frequently while she took time out for him. She went on to say did not appreciate his flaky behavior. He immediately told her she was being a clingy girlfriend and said he felt suffocated in their relationship. He failed to acknowledge his error and rather, made her question her self-worth.
4. He is selfish in bed too
Consider the following scenario. He takes you out on a date and you two have an absolutely splendid time. Your boyfriend is feeling all romantic and wants to have sex with you. You tell him how you’d just like to cuddle instead or are not in the mood, but he keeps on insisting, putting his hand under your shirt. He starts getting annoyed when you try to convince him that you are not in the mood. But in the end, you have to give in to his urges. He will just satisfy himself, leaving you sore, irritated and brimming with sexual frustration. This is the most inconsiderate thing to do and he will not even realize it. Once he is done, he will fall asleep within seconds. He has made it clear that your needs do not matter to him. Not only is he a selfish boyfriend, but he is also a selfish lover too. And going the extra way to get sex toys is out of the question. You keep tolerating this, thinking he could change, but it is unlikely that he will. So don’t expect any kind of satisfaction when you are in bed with him. It’s always going to go the way that he wants it to.
5. He will never compromise
He sees the world from his point of view and thus others must adjust to the world that he has created in his mind. He will never apologize, even if he is in the wrong. This also means he will never compromise or meet you halfway. When you suggest solutions that will satisfy both your needs to some extent, he will get angry because he wants everything to be done his way. Tracy Hall, a nurse, had been going out with Norman Smith, a significantly older gentleman who she met at the hospital. Because of their age-gap in relationship, the two had a lot of tussles. Norman saw things his own way and expected Tracy to simply comply with everything he wanted. Tracy said, “My boyfriend is stingy and selfish and it’s starting to get on my nerves. He’s possessive, intrusive and just never lets me do what I want!” Compromising makes him feel like he is losing control and he cannot tolerate this. He will always be the decision-maker in your relationship and you will be the one doing all the compromising.
6. Being insecure is one of the traits of a selfish man
People feel insecure when they see something or someone as a threat. His insecurities relate to the fact that someone else might take his position or he may lose control in your life or in social settings. He always wants to feel like he is the center of attention and will not be able to tolerate it if he feels like he is not the most important person in your life. The fear of being replaced by someone else could be haunting him and making him act irrational. Moreover, if he is insecure about something you do or some decision you make, then it is because he fears that it might cause harm to something that benefits him or is important to him. This could make him even more insecure and turn him into a possessive control freak.
7. He never surprises you
So you are being a nice girlfriend, surprising him with gifts and planning wonderful dates and trying everything he desires in bed. You never mind going the extra mile to make him happy. But does he do that for you? If he is a selfish boyfriend then the answer is probably no. He will never go out of his way to please you or plan any romantic gestures. He will never get you those roses or that perfume, that you wished for. It is quite likely that he will not acknowledge or appreciate the things you do for him and takes you for granted.
8. He has very few real friends
His behavior even irritates his friends and some have given up on him. His self-centered behavior could turn people off and you will notice that he has very few close friends. He may be social and charming and may have a thriving social life but he will have next to no best friends. People complain about him to you, but instead of apologizing, he insults them even more. He only likes friends that will praise him and will most likely be hanging out with people that suck up to him. If anyone offers him feedback or points out his flaws, he will be quick to discard them.
9. It’s always ‘Me’ over ‘We’
Self-love and self-obsession are different things. Self-obsessed, selfish people are only concerned about one person, themselves. Everyone thinks about their own needs and this is natural but when people have no concern for others and only care about their own wants and desires, it is not healthy. What is the point of being in a relationship if you both of you are not in this together? Your boyfriend is unappreciative and mean and will never take decisions that will benefit you as a couple. Kayla Goodman, a gymnast, tells us, “Why are men so selfish to the point that they completely lose sight of another actual person also being in this relationship? My boyfriend would literally pick playing video games to meeting my mother for dinner. It’s always about him and what he wants.”
10. He is disconnected from the real world
He is in his own world and is too busy with his own thoughts, interests and hobbies to be aware of those around him. Unless he needs something from you, his friends or his family members, he will be lazily occupied in his own fantasies. Even if he doesn’t have anything to do, he will not go out of his way to make any plans with you or pull off any romantic gestures, because he expects you to work out the details and keep him entertained. A selfish boyfriend is sometimes hugely into gaming or can simply spend hours on the couch watching Netflix. They are happy with themselves.
11. You don’t have a life anymore
By revolving your time around his whims and fancies, you realize that your life has changed drastically. Everything you do is to please him. You have lost your real self. When was the last time you did something for yourself and it made your boyfriend happy? This shows how mean and selfish he can be with you. You might have even lost contact with most of your friends, because most of your social gatherings include spending time with friends and colleagues that are his. Are you happy with the place you have in his world? This is a sign that you have a selfish boyfriend and he doesn’t care for what you like at all.
12. He is never there for you
He will always have excuses when you need him the most but at the same time, he will always expect you to be there in his times of distress. You are his emotional support, but he is never there for you. If you try to unload your feelings on to him, he will ignore you and try to end the conversation as soon as possible by saying how rough his day was or how tired he is today. He will escape listening to you, he is the most unsupportive spouse himself but when he needs to unload his emotional stuff, you have to offer him all that you can without any buts. Ginger Fraiser, a high school teacher, has been married to Walter Fraiser for sixteen years. She says, “I’ll never be able to answer why men are so selfish. All I know is that they are. Every time I’ve had a long day at work or am going through a rough patch, Walter doesn’t even care to listen. He just opens a can of beer and watches football as I’m talking to him. It is very disrespectful and I don’t know how long I can put up with it. “
13. He wants you to be the one to change
In his mind, he is flawless and doesn’t need to change anything, despite how many bad qualities he possesses. He will always tell you to change things about yourself to suit his needs. At this point of time, all words like ‘compromises’ and ‘sacrifices’ will come out of his mouth, but these words would only mean something if they are directed towards you. But when it comes to him he goes about his life as he pleases. You can’t stop him from doing anything neither does he care about how you feel. That’s why you’re constantly saying, “My boyfriend is selfish!” You are supposed to be the sacrificial cow, not him.
14. He is self-centred
He lives in a world of his own where he is the main character. Others are just extras who can be replaced at any time. He thinks that everything is about ‘him’ and will somehow include himself into every conversation. He loves to be the center of attention, because it makes him feel superior to others. He expects you to get him gifts, cook for him, please him by doing all the chores, but he won’t reciprocate. Ever told your girlfriends, “My boyfriend is stingy and selfish”? Because if he sounds anything like what we mentioned above, he certainly is.
15. For everything nice he does for you, he has other motives
If you do get a surprise gift from him or he plans a romantic date for you, it is not because he cares for you or loves you. If he does something, it is because he wants something in return or just wants to avoid a discussion. For example, a few flowers and a candlelight dinner are his tickets to a night of good sex. This is the bare minimum he would do to keep you in his life so that he can get laid. Selfishness to some extent may be tolerated. When this selfishness exceeds the limit of mere laziness and reaches the point of self-obsession, it is then that you need an out from the relationship. Love has no real meaning if the person you share your life with doesn’t give you the love and commitment you deserve. If he is only thinking of himself then you know where the relationship is heading. He is a mean, unappreciative, inconsiderate selfish boyfriend.
