You want to send a text to watch their reaction or you want to give them a call just to hear their voice. Yet, should you reach out to your ex and talk to them, is it a good idea? You should reach out to your ex only when you are healed and over your ex or you need one last answer. You can talk to your ex if there are signs that the relationship can be rekindled. Reaching out to them only because you want them back in your life won’t be a good idea. This will create false hopes. You’ll end up wounded or you’ll hurt your ex even more. To know exactly what to do: check out these 11 tips if you should or shouldn’t reach out to your ex!
1. Reach out when you have zero expectations
Having no expectations in life, in general, will help you not be hurt or devastated. When you don’t fantasize about the outcomes, you’ll find it easier to accept their answer/reaction. Now, you don’t have that raging flame inside your soul that would make wrong decisions. Whatever you’ll say and how things will flow will be based on logic and the moment. You should reach out to your ex if you’re not holding on to the past. If you’re not obsessing over them you can talk to your ex and reflect differently. This will be a chance for you to restart and create a new relationship.
2. You want to prove that things will work out this time
You should reach out to your ex when you want to show progress and reconcile the relationship. I know that this isn’t either common or easy to reach out to an ex after months. However, I would appreciate it if you would give it a try. If you’re willing to make the relationship work then that’s one of the good reasons to talk to your ex. Show your progression slowly. Be the one to initiate the first talk after the breakup.
Start with an apology text just to set the base and get your ex’s reaction.
You need to continue to show that you’ve outgrown your mistakes. Actions speak louder than words. Demonstrate your change.
Don’t restrain the situation and be patient.
Make sure to not cross your ex’s boundaries.
If you want to be transparent to your ex and fix your relationship, then that’s a good reason to talk to them.
3. Don’t reach out due to selfish matters
You shouldn’t reach out to your ex if you just need their presence to cover your loneliness and boost your ego. Reaching to an ex due to selfishness will create a complicated situation. This will lead you to an on-and-off relationship and impact you negatively. Loneliness, the desire for lust, and sex aren’t the proper elements to talk again to your ex. These reasons aren’t enough to keep up with your ex, because these are just instant needs. Your actions will be conflicting and very contradictory. This will only push your ex away and you’ll hurt each other even more.
4. Talk to your ex if you don’t want bad blood
Talking to your ex is healthy if you want to talk openly about your relationship. Clarifying and not justifying your actions will be a healthier way to either move on or reconcile. Of course, you can reach out to your ex if they’re also willing to listen and cooperate with you. If you’ve ended things on bad terms, this will be a little bit difficult. Yet, honesty and transparency will always create a new path. You should reach out to an ex you dumped if you’re willing to be a part of their life. Otherwise, if you just come back due to your personal needs, you’ll only stir up an old wound. Note: You should reach out to your ex when you notice that they had time to process their feelings.
5. Don’t reach out if you have a controlling partner
Reaching out to your ex, in general, isn’t a bad idea. It becomes one bad thing if you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic and controlling partner. Being a part of a toxic relationship, you’ll always need to have your ex’s attention and validation. Even though you might be harassed or felt indifferent, your safe place is keeping in contact with your ex. That’s because you’re used to that type of lifestyle. I know that you’re thinking “I need to contact my ex” right now but don’t. You shouldn’t reach out to your ex at this point, even to ask for closure. You would never hear the truth from a narcissistic or controlling partner. Reaching out to your ex and asking for closure will get you stuck in limbo.
6. Don’t initiate contact if you’re still hurt/confused
In this situation, talking to an ex won’t be healthy for you. If you were dumped then being back with them will only cause you trouble and more pain. You’ll get exposed very easily to the source of the breakup once you’re not healed. This way, you would get manipulated by your ex and you won’t know exactly what to think or act. Think about if your ex didn’t work on their flaws after the breakup. If your ex’s afraid of commitment, they’ll be pleased to have you back but they’’ still give you mixed signs. In this case, you’ll end up in deeper confusion. You’ll not yet fully recover even the littlest action of your ex will impact your decision and thinking process.
7. Talk to your ex if you have any unsettled business
It’s ok to reach out and talk to your ex if you have kids together or mutual finances. Asking them to help with your children won’t make you any weaker or needy. It’s not bad to keep a slight communication if there’s a mutual business that keeps you “together”. I know that after divorce or after a breakup communicating with an ex can be hard. Nevertheless, you can try to have a simple type of connection without including emotions. This can be emotionally challenging but when you focus on the reason you’re reaching out, it will help you navigate the situation.
8. You should reach out if the breakup was mutual
Mutual breakups are a little bit easier to get managed. You should reach out to your ex if you think that you can make the relationship work. Since you’re on good terms you should reach out to them to either stay friends or rekindle your romance. Yet, if you parted ways mutually but one of you does not love one another anymore, reaching out will be an issue. The time that you spend apart can change either you or your ex a lot. You’ll get to know yourself and what you’re feeling better.
9. Don’t reach out if it makes you feel miserable
Relationship burnouts are a common thing nowadays. If this was the reason that you ended the relationship then it’s better not to reach out. You need to stop talking to your ex if this whole situation or relationship drains your energy. When in the relationship, if you ever:
You felt left out;Occupied with your ex’s issues more than your own;You weren’t yourself;
Then, in this case, reaching out to your ex will be a mistake. You’ll feel tired and stuck in the loop of feeling estranged from your relationship.
10. Avoid reaching out if you don’t share mutual feelings
Researchers cite that unrequited love makes you yearn more for love and attention and can haunt you even after the breakup. Your feelings will be stronger than your ex’s. I understand that you’ll feel like the relationship wasn’t real at all. You want to talk to your ex because you feel rejected and not being loved as you wanted to be. All that effort that you put into that relationship will push you to reach out to your ex. If you reach out and talk to her or him, you’ll only give them power over you. Instead, try the No Contact rule that will help you to move on.
11. Do not reach out if you force the comeback process
If after the breakup you’re only focused to get your ex back, you should reach out to your ex. After the breakup, you should leave some space for your ex to reflect on this whole situation. You won’t talk to your ex ever again if you reach out to them and force them to come back. They will simply pull away and cut contact. Let them go through the breakup stages first and then approach them slowly. Always, if they give you signs that they want to reconcile.
How to reach out to an ex: 5 tips on how to talk to an ex after the breakup!!!
The way you approach and reach out to an ex differs from your type of relationship. Also, what makes the difference is the length of how long you’ve been broken up. There isn’t just one correct way to reach out to your ex after the breakup. Yet, there are some tips that you should keep in mind.
- First, ask yourself why you want to contact your ex. If you have a clear idea of why you want to talk to your ex, then you’ll know how you will structure your conversation. This way, you’ll plan what you’ll say. I am not implying you memorize anything but since it’s the first talk after the breakup, you should have some crucial points.
- Send a simple text. Don’t be emotional or cross boundaries at the first text or call. If you don’t know what to say when you reach out to your ex, start simple. Even if you meet them in person or text/call them, don’t overshare much. This will be a lot of information about them after being apart for some time.
- Be straightforward and don’t play mind tricks. The best way to start talking to your ex is by being transparent. You can tell your ex that you passed by their favorite restaurant and it reminded you of them. Tell them how this time apart has had a positive effect on you, and how you’ve changed. This way, you’ll rebuild your connection and add value to it.
- Give your ex some time to reflect on this situation. According to their reaction to your first attempt, you’ll know how to act. Restraining conversations and calling them multiple times, will only make the situation worse. This way, your ex will think that they have won the breakup and they have all the power. If you end just a text, wait some time and then give them a call. Always, you should follow these steps if there is some room for reconciliation.
- Never do not reach out to an ex immediately after the breakup. Take your time to work on your feelings. If you contact them immediately you won’t be over the breakup and you wouldn’t give them space to miss you.
Does my ex want me to reach out?
This situation can be confusing and ambiguous. If your ex doesn’t contact you after the breakup, it doesn’t mean that they want you to reach out first. At that point, your ex might be distancing yourself from you and moving on. Yet, there are special occasions if your ex wants you to reach out:
They’re sorting out their feelings. If they’re still mixed up, they would wait for a sign. They would want you to reach out to them first.
This way, your ex will know what to expect from you and the relationship.
If they’re stubborn. If you were in a relationship with someone stubborn then they are waiting for your move.
One of the traits of stubborn partners is that they never admit that they need you or that they did something wrong.
If they have a greater ego.
If you were in a relationship with someone who had a greater ego then they would never make the first move. They can’t put their guards down and swallow their pride.
If they are afraid of being rejected. Usually, the ones who have low self-confidence would never go back to reach out to an ex.
They’re afraid that you won’t accept either their apology or their love. Your ex can’t accept the fact to be put aside once again and waits for you to reach out to them.
They’re using the no-contact rule. If your ex is using the No Contact rule then they are using the distance to heal.
In the meantime, while they work on themselves, they wait for you to reflect on your mistakes. They wait for you to initiate the communication.
When should I reach out to my ex?
There is no absolute or definite time when you should reach out or talk to your ex. Yet, there are some secret tips that you should know before doing it. If you had a messy breakup, you should avoid reaching out to your ex right after. As a dumpee that would make you seem needy and desperate. Whereas, as the dumper, you’ll make the dumpee even more confused. Also, you won’t have enough time to work on your feelings too. Even if the relationship ends on good terms you need to give your ex some space to reflect. Otherwise, in every situation, you’ll end up making mistakes. But, seriously, when should I contact my ex? The answer to this question is that you’ll feel it in your gut and from your ex’s energy. If your ex moves on, you won’t hear anything from them and you’ll notice how their behavior changes.
In other words: Should you contact your ex?
You should reach out and talk to your ex only if you have a clear idea of why you’re doing it. You need to be sure that you need that last talk or you want to rekindle the relationship. My goal in this article is to not give you a mixed idea about whether you should or shouldn’t reach out. I wanted to show that reaching out or talking to an ex isn’t a bad thing. Yet, holding on to a wrong relationship or fantasizing about it, is wrong. Balancing your thoughts, needs, and what you want is the key answer to this question. Much love, Callisto
