She said, “It’s been a long since we had a holiday. We should. It’s high time.” Automatically, my first worry was about the empty purse that I had seen the previous night. The bank statement, too, had not been very encouraging. I used to quip to fellow sufferers that I worked for my company, SBI, LIC and HDFC Housing Finance. Not for myself. This worry led me to a practical take on the whole situation. “Listen, I am not going to get a holiday in a hurry. Why don’t you go somewhere? Maybe to a relative’s place or something?” I asked. She looked at me as if I was joking, saw my earnest expression and then realised that I was probably speaking the truth and I meant what I said. “Where would I go?” she asked. “Anywhere, but in India, that can be reached by train or something.” I was on a roll. “Can I take Kiddo with me?” I knew this would come up. “Of course!” That was her first vacation, in the Garhwal hills. From then on, she went alone for many more vacations. These became all-women trips. Then they graduated to adventure trips in larger groups. She started some group hobbies – sports, marathons and the like. Those were completely different from what I do, or at least, love doing. She acquired a set of new friends whom she spoke about now and then but I barely knew. In return, I started to do my own things. More movies, more Litfests, more travel for work and friends from various walks of life – artists, entertainers, researchers. She had no interest in any of them. We were happy. There was never any urge to mix the different worlds and host a party at home. I knew it would be odd. One day we decided to talk about this. It wasn’t exactly a decision, it just sort of came about. “Let’s count our common friends,” she said. I hemmed and hawed. It came down to three couples. “This bad?” I murmured. And then we broke into laughter. It was a kind of catharsis, that laughter. I tried reasoning that usually ‘best friends’ are only two to three couples, not more. But yeah, it was pathetic that I didn’t even know her friends well. Happily, I noted that she was even worse. We stopped laughing. This was space. Unknowingly, we had hit upon the process and we had come to a stage where we had two very independent lives under one roof. Happy. Calm. Understanding. I told her that. It became a kind of a by-line to all of our conversations, arguments or messages in the ensuing years. “Aren’t you lucky to have a spouse who’s not in your hair?” Of course, there have been moments when one ground one’s teeth at the non-availability of the other. Sometimes, relatives raised quizzical eyebrows about solo appearances or appearances at different times. But overall, it is smooth sailing. Do we recommend such a lifestyle to others? Well, you could try. But don’t blame us if it does not work for you. Plus, basic respect for each other. So, there’s a lot of hard work for years towards a good and functioning marriage before one can even start in such a direction. There will be no axe to grind and no stones to throw. As I said, you need to be happy, calm and understanding!
