We’ve all been there. You’re texting on a dating app or you’ve moved things to Instagram. You’ve talked for about a week or so about music taste and hobbies (conversations that lead to a dead-end) before you’re left scratching your head over how to keep them engaged. You both know that you share a love for dogs, sushi and Taylor Swift (something he’s probably lying about anyway), but every subsequent conversation just feels like it’s leading to Ghostville. Let’s help you take things from boring to exciting by learning how you can start texting someone for a date.
Texting For A Date – 15 Tips To Do It Right
You know what’s worse than a boring bio on a dating app? Dry texting. The person you’re texting might roll their eyes at every “Nothing much, just chilling!” response you send them. Worse yet, they might just take screenshots and you’ll find yourself on the next viral compilation of #textingfails. Though there aren’t any hard and fast rules for texting for a date, a few pointers to keep in mind will always come in handy. For example, make sure you stay away from decade-old texting habits like using “XD” or words like “Awesomesauce”. Unless you’re looking to find out what it feels like to be stood up, please stay away from awesomesauce. Before you ask the person you’re texting another question like, “So… what’s your favorite food?”, let’s take a look at how you can start texting for a date, so things don’t tragically end with anyone being left on read:
1. Establish a rapport
Before you even start to think about how to set up a date over text, establish a rapport with the person you’re talking to. Turn the tables around for a second and think about this: You’ve just matched with someone on a dating app, and the third message they send you is, “What are you up to right now? Want to meet? Let’s meet? Right now?” Major serial killer vibes. Asking someone out on a date too soon is most definitely not going to work in your favor and is borderline creepy. Especially if you’re texting a girl for a date, make sure you don’t rush it.
2. Don’t be a dry texter
Don’t respond with one-word replies, don’t “Hey and pray” (sending a hey and hoping for a response), in a nutshell, don’t be boring. We know, we know, it’s easier said than done when your palms are literally sweating while texting for a date. If your conversations make you want to yawn, you’ll end up wondering why you’ve been texting for a month but no date has surfaced yet. Pretty soon, they might just become an internet friend you send memes to occasionally. Try to avoid being a dry texter, and you’ll see things get better.
3. Be a bit flirty
When you’re texting someone for a date, you’ve got to make them look forward to it. When you flirt (just a little bit), you’re testing the waters while also proclaiming that you’re confident and that the date has the potential of being fun wink. Trust us, it’s not too hard to flirt while you’re in your PJs, laying on the couch. If they send you a photo of a recent outing, all you have to do is say something like, “Who’s that cutie in the red? Wondering when I can take him/her out.” Before you send this across, make sure it’s them wearing the red, not their attractive best friend.
4. Make them laugh
You know what sets a date, or any kind of budding relationship, apart from the rest? Inside jokes. If it were up to us to make the rules for texting for a date, being a bit humorous would be right up there. Try to make a girl or guy laugh over text, and you’ve already got them looking forward to meeting you. A few inside jokes or just humorous conversations will make the person you’re texting believe that you’re not going to “So… some weather we’re having, huh?” them while on your date.
5. Get to know them
It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to initiate contact with a woman via text or trying to get a guy to meet up with you, the first step is to get to know them as much as you can. It’s going to improve the quality of your “relationship” with them and you’ll get a better idea of the kind of person they are. Ask insightful, open-ended questions and make sure you listen when they’re talking.
6. Make sure you like each other
All your efforts at texting for a date are going to go down the drain if one of you doesn’t like the other person. Try to notice the signs of mutual attraction and make sure you’re not just texting each other for the sake of it. Try to get information about things like how much they possibly like you, if they’re interested and if they’re single or not. It’d be a bummer if you found out they’re dating someone while you’re on a “date” with them, that they assumed was a friendly meet-up.
7. What’s their schedule like?
“Wow, you seem like a busy bee. So how do you spend your days?” is literally enough to get a grip on how busy they get during the week and when they’re free. Before you figure out how to set up a date over text, you must understand if and when they’re free enough to be able to go out on one with you. This is done just so you can come up with a great first-date idea that will have more chances of being accepted. For example, if they’re a professional chef and work nights and you’ve got a 9-5, you know you’ll have to be a bit more creative than the boring old 8 PM dinner date.
8. Don’t be overly sexual
We know we told you to flirt while texting for a date, but make sure you don’t go overboard with it. Unless the feelings are mutual and the conversation has naturally led itself to… let’s just say “graphic” realms, you shouldn’t be coming on too strong sexually. Just a reminder: It’s not that hard to block someone while you’re texting them. So unless you want to stare back at a chatbox that you can’t reply to, keep it in your pants.
9. Suggest interesting date ideas
You’ve been texting for a date for a while, and now comes the part where you have to cash in on it. This is the “make it or break it” moment of the whole thing, so make sure your date ideas aren’t boring. A few fun first-date ideas can literally be the difference between a negative or a positive response. So make sure you’re not just suggesting a boring and awkward first date Netflix session that will lead nowhere. Instead, go out on a hiking date or to a concert.
10. Or take it up a notch and suggest something specific
The whole reason behind getting to know this person better was to make sure you come up with first-date ideas that cater to their likes. Are they a fitness junkie? Dust off your bicycle and suggest an early morning bike ride with them. Are they big on singing? Look for the best Karaoke places. Are they into Scientology? Maybe consider moving on…? Jokes apart, make sure you suggest specific date ideas that they’d love to say yes to. If you keep pushing the coffee shop idea over and over again, you’ll end up texting for a month, but no date is going to come around any time soon.
11. Be confident
“Heyyy! So Peach Pit is coming to town… I know you like them, haha, maybe we could? I don’t know though haha! Let me know.” Maybe we could…what? All that text is going to do is confuse them to the point where they won’t even know what to respond with. And just like that, you’re now in Ghostville. Population: You. Instead of being ambiguous and nervous, make sure you’re texting for a date with an agenda. The person you’re texting should know exactly what’s on your mind and what the activity is. “Hey, since you’re usually free on Thursday nights and I know you love art, want to go out on a date with me to this art exhibition downtown?” This is how you need to be approaching this situation. It doesn’t matter if you’re texting a girl for a date or making the first move on a guy, make sure they know it’s a date and what the plan is.
12. Make sure you give out more information
Sorry, but, “Me, you, drinks?” only works in the movies. How to set up a date over text doesn’t just happen over three words, and you need to be a bit more calculated than that. Make sure you let them know what the plan is, when you want to meet, what you’ll be doing there and most importantly that it’s a date, not a friendly meet-up. No, you don’t need to make an itinerary for them to refer to. If they’re interested in the date, a conversation about the specifics will take place naturally. That way, you’ll also be making the plan more official.
13. Don’t be pushy
When your “Free tomorrow?” is met with a “Nope, very busy. Sorry!”, try not to ask them the very same question the very next day. If you’ve had a few unsuccessful attempts at asking them out on a date, go back to points one to five in this article and try to start over.
14. Keep texting etiquette in mind
Of course, you’re not going to be purposefully rude when you initiate contact with a woman via text (or a man), but it’s easier than you think to accidentally come off as rude over text. You can’t really gauge the tone of the person, and an attempt at being funny on texts might just seem like the rudest comment ever. Don’t come on too strong, don’t send pictures of yourself very early in the conversation unless asked for, and make sure you’re not trying to be funny at their expense.
15. Don’t overthink it, go with the flow
At the end of the day, texting for a date boils down to how naturally the conversation flows and how well you two click. If you’re trying to force it, you’re working against the tide and things may get washed away. But if everything falls into place, it isn’t going to feel like too much work. Don’t overthink their responses, and don’t think too much about when you should respond to them and when you shouldn’t. A conversation that flows naturally is your best friend, so keep the mind-games at bay. So, there you have it. The best tips for texting for a date. Once you use these tips and manage to be your charming self despite the nervousness, you’re going to be on your way toward a (hopefully) wonderful first date. If that date doesn’t work out, however, we’ll see you back here the next time a Tinder match excites you enough to warrant another “texting for dating” lesson.
